5. They should always have permission to interrupt you.
P.K.s know that you are NEVER off the clock. Everywhere you go, you’re the pastor. I’m Pastor Dave at Kfirst, at the mall, at Target, at the park, etc. I get stopped frequently in restaurants. I get contacted messages from people most evenings and have conversations over Facebook Messenger and Twitter. It’s just the reality of the day and age of social media.
BUT … my kids always have permission to interrupt me. Why? They’re more important than anyone in my congregation (with ONE exception: my wife). My kids always walk up and say, “Excuse me,” when they need my attention for something. Why are they polite about it? Because they know they are valued and they reciprocate that value.
6. One-on-one “dates” with your kids are not optional.
Just as your relationships with your congregation build the pulpit you preach from, the relationship you develop with your kids will build you platform to speak into their lives. I still go out with my kids on dates. They both need individual time with me and it looks different for each one. Also, they need “collective” time with me. It’s a time where the three of us go out and have time together. You need both. If you don’t have time for that, it’s time to take a fresh look at your schedule.
Related: Family on mission—how our kids lead us »
7. Don’t forget: You are “Mom” or “Dad” before you are “Pastor.”
You’re not called to be their best friend. If you try to be that, they’ll lose all respect for you. But you’re also not there to heap the mantle of P.K. upon their shoulders. They already feel the weight.
Be a parent. Love your kids. Show them they are the most important children in the church because, well, they’re your kids. It doesn’t mean they automatically get the best roles in the Christmastime kids’ play, nor does it mean people have to salute them when they walk by. It just means, in your life, they are highly valued and prized.
Please hear my heart: If guilt is what you are experiencing, then recognize it as a tool of the Enemy to anchor you to past regrets. He uses guilt to keep us from moving forward so that we drown in our past. We are all products of grace. We are all learning as we go. None of us are experts, and we all continue to learn.
If your kids are grown-up and outside the home: Call them often, send them messages and love on them. If there are wrongs from the past, repent if there needs to be repentance. If there are fond memories, recount them and celebrate. Continue to foster the relationships you have with htem. No matter what, you will always be a parent and they will always be your kids.
If your kids are inside the home: Make sure they know how valued they are. I say the same things to you: If there are wrongs, repent if there needs to be repentance. If there good memories being made, recount them and celebrate. But don’t stop fostering the relationships.
I love being a parent and a pastor. I wish I did both better. But I believe that if we humble ourselves and continue to desire growth, God will continue to help us lead in both of these crucial roles.
Dave Barringer (@PDBarringer) is the lead pastor at Kalamazoo First Assembly of God in Portage, Michigan. He blogs about pastoring and marriage at PDave.me.