Many leaders resonate with the sentiment that ministry would be easier without the complexities of human relationships. It is a pithy statement often used to rationalize the reality of church hurt when leading through difficult times. This pain occurs across all levels of leadership, affecting staff, pastors, and small group members alike. As you read this, you likely recall specific faces and moments where a harsh word, a controversial decision, or a lack of response resulted in a broken relationship or the difficult choice to leave a congregation entirely.
With statistics rising for those leaving the Church and leaders quitting ministry due to exhaustion, we must address two critical questions: How do we deal with church hurt? Furthermore, in what ways can we ensure that we, as leaders, are effectively processing church hurt and burnout?
While a brief article cannot fully heal the profound losses you have endured, acknowledging what so many leaders are carrying is the first step toward health. To begin this journey, we must first learn to grieve what is broken. Pete Scazzero famously noted that "good leaders are good grievers." This concept is revolutionary for those who typically treat ministry wounds like a sports injury—walking it off and pressing on for the sake of the game. However, avoiding the pain of staff departures, gossip, or betrayal only leads to carrying a weight of rejection that eventually distorts your perspective of God and His Church.
I love the example David gives us in the Psalms of wrestling out all of the injustices, hurt, and emotion that come with leading. As leaders we often have a tendency to brush it off and rationalize it as “part of the job” but if we don’t humbly and transparently take all our disappointments, failures, and injustices to the God who sees, knows, and cares, we run the risk of leading out of our hurt.
Pray and Reflect
One of my consistent prayers as a leader is, “God keep my heart tender and my skin thick.” The hard parts of ministry and life usually are used by God to unearth the false identities and comforts that I tend to cling to other than God himself. The temptation for a wounded leader is to puff up in self reliance and protection, but it is through the work of the Spirit that we are shown where our blind spots are revealed, compassion is birthed, and dependence is deepened.
Psalm 23 is a picture of God as our Great Shepherd who leads us, cares for us, and restores our soul. If we aren’t willing to trust God for His work in our own lives we can not lead people to Him in their times of struggle and brokenness. The same God you teach and preach about who restores is the same God who desires the same for you. Not so that you can lead better or wiser, but because you are His child and He wants you to know and experience Him.
Fight for The Bride
Jackie Hill Perry once said, “What healed my church hurt, was the Church.”
When I am facing hard seasons I think of these words often. I believe in the Church because it is God’s mission to be a light in the midst of darkness and hope in the midst of despair. I believe in the Church not because of what I think I can accomplish or how I can fix her, but because it has been God’s plan from the very beginning of time to image His love, justice, and redemption to all people. The privilege of watching Him work, move, and redeem what is broken in me and in those I lead and minister to is the primary motivation of my ministry. With this truth we have to choose to fight for the Church – for her purity, her righteousness, her love, and for a focused mission.
My heart breaks and goes out to so many leaders in this season. I have heard story after story of leaders feeling disposable, division ripping apart faith families, and the deep despair of depression and hopelessness. So many of us are leading from empty souls wondering if we will make it through this season, and my hope and encouragement for all of us is that we recognize our deep need for our Father in these moments.
I’m praying for all of you wounded leaders right now. Though like Jacob you may walk with a limp, you are a physical reminder to those around you of seeing God face-to-face. I’m praying for you to sit and wrestle out your grief, that you drink deeply of His goodness and righteousness, and that you are able to stand firmly in grace.
This article originally appeared on ChurchAnswers.com and is reposted here by permission.