I had arrived at the doorway of brokenness.
My first step into brokenness was only the beginning of a six-year process God used to free me from the performance trap. During this time, God extended mercy to me in the form of a sabbatical from the pastorate. He began to provide rehab to my weary soul, showing me my lack of balance and how it tainted my assessment of His character. This slanted view of God was a prideful key inserted into my ignition of selfish ambition, fueling my actions to jump on the autobahn of a performance-driven life.
I’m laying my heart on the line here for two reasons. First: You’re worth it. I bare the scars of all the mistakes I’ve made so that you can observe them, learn from them, and not make them. I value you as my brother or sister in Christ and entrust you with the content of my heart.
My second reason for laying it all out on the line? I want you to share in the freedom of being captured by God’s grace as I have been. There’s nothing more heartbreaking for me than to see saints living in the performance trap, not knowing there’s a way out through the words of Christ. If you’re there, Christ wants to lead you out of this personal prison you were not sentenced to live in. The road to freedom is paved with Scripture and illuminated by God the Holy Spirit who desires to navigate you into the loving arms of Father God.
This message of freedom in grace is for all Christians, but I pray that my words are particularly timely to my fellow church planters and pastors and their families. For us, living in the performance trap can be the difference between life and death. Seventy-one percent of pastors reported to the Schaeffer Institute that they are burnt out and wrestle with depression daily, fifteen hundred of us leave the ministry each month because of moral failure or burnout, and 70 percent of pastors say they do not have at least one close friend. And pastoral suicide is on the rise.
But by the Holy Spirit’s empowering (Romans 8:9-13), you can walk in the freedom Christ has provided you with from sin and the encumbrances that weigh you down (Hebrews 12:1- 2). I’m convinced that once you begin to realize that God’s unfailing love is being poured out on you nonstop, you will naturally be compelled to proclaim the truth of the gospel to both saints and sinners. The fruit of your labor, when coupled with the supernatural work of God the Holy Spirit, will be made known through the disciples you raise up to enjoy the trap of God’s grace. Freedom in Christ from the performance trap comes with a responsibility: to invite others into a relationship with Him and walk into maturity together with those whom He saves.
It’s time to leave our striving for perfection behind. Let’s walk in a balanced relationship with Christ according to His Word, all the while enjoying the life everlasting He’s given to us upon regeneration.
Taken from Bound to Be Free. Copyright © 2016 by D.A. Horton. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
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About the Author: D.A. Horton is currently planting a church in Los Angeles. He served as the national coordinator of Urban Student Missions at the North American Mission Board and also as the executive director of ReachLife Ministries, the nonprofit ministry of Reach Records. He pastored in Kansas City for nearly six years. D.A. earned his bachelor’s degree in biblical studies at Calvary Bible College and his master’s in Christian studies from Calvary Theological Seminary. He is currently working on a PhD in applied theology from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Elicia, have three precious children.