Listen Closely When You Get Mad

We have an ugly, old shed in our backyard. I don’t know how long it’s been there; certainly longer than we have. The shed came with the house, and with the house it remains. Over the years it has accumulated its share of junk, which of course, was added to the junk that was already in there. But I don’t open it up very often.

Because it’s scary. There. I said it.

Every time I crack open those doors, I have the sense that something is in there waiting for me. A snake. A gopher. Or, as was the case yesterday, a fresh nest of wasps. I could hear them as soon as I opened the door. They were presumably just hanging out in their own little realm behind those doors, but then the light and the fresh air came in and they immediately sprang into action. And they were mad.

Anger is like that, I think—not anger in wasps, but anger in human beings. Some circumstance fires up our temper and we find ourselves getting angrier and angrier, and often, our level of anger reaches a disproportionate level. We might even think to ourselves in the moment, I really should not be as mad as I am about this, but most of the time it’s too late. The fuse has been lit.

That circumstance—whatever it was—was like opening the doors of that old, broken-down shed in the backyard. The light and the air and the noise come in, and the anger fires up. Thing is, though, I didn’t let the wasps in the shed by opening the door—the nest was already there. They just needed something to set them off.

Likewise, if we find ourselves getting angry, chances are the anger was already in our hearts. The circumstance was just the thing that got us going.

So what, then, might be the nest of our anger? What might be at the root? Here are three possibilities:

1. Fear

Everyone is familiar with the “fight or flight” response—that when we become afraid, most of the time we either run or become violent. Though we know that to be true, we often don’t have the ability in the moment to recognize it’s happening. Nevertheless, when something makes us afraid, one of the reactions we typically have is to fight. If that’s true, then one of the ways we can effectively deal with our anger is by recognizing what it is that is scaring us, and then bringing the promises of God to bear on that fear:

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Ps. 56:3–4).

2. Insecurity

Another of those nests in our hearts is our insecurity. Much as we hate to admit it, there is still a middle schooler down deep inside of us. Every once in a while something happens that wakes that part of us up. We feel left out; disregarded; disrespected; neglected; picked last. And rather than digging up that insecurity, we get angry. But if we can identify the source as personal insecurity, then once again God’s Word has something to say to us:

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God” (Col. 3:1–3).

3. Self-Lordship

If we look deeper—beyond the circumstances—we might also find the true reason we get angry is because we feel like our rights have been violated. We should be treated better. We deserve more. Our anger stems from a deep-held sense of entitlement that, when crossed, makes us really, really mad. In other words, our anger is a reflection of our commitment to ourselves. And here, again, is an opportunity for us to grow, because every moment of anger precipitated by our own self-lordship is an opportunity to reaffirm what it means to follow Jesus:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23–24).

Anger is real, friends, and because it is, it must be dealt with. For the Christian, that dealing is an opportunity. It’s a chance to look deeper, further. And bring the gospel to bear on the deep parts of our soul.

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This article originally appeared on Thinke.org and is reposted here by permission.

Michael Kelley
Michael Kelley

Michael Kelley is director of Discipleship at LifeWay Christian Resources and the author of Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus.