Throughout my pastoral service, I have found that when a significant decision is made at the board table and shared with the congregation, a few people seem to hold meeting after the meeting. With any major decision inside the local church, a person or group may feel like as if they have not been heard, their concerns were downplayed, or they feel outright disrespected.
While I am all for complete discussion and transparency, I am not one for meetings after meetings. Innovative disrupter Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, has a rule to limit meetings after meetings: Disagree and commit. The idea behind this three-word phrase is to value different voices, commit to the overall plan, and limit harm to the team. It is a winning strategy that helps his company adapt to the needs and maintain momentum as it scales up to reach its customer base.
What if church members stepped back and used this principle when making significant decisions? It could transform a negative situation into a positive one for all involved. Here is how it could work:
Disagree with respect.
Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, and they are bound to occur within the local church. When individuals or groups disagree with the decisions made by church leaders, it can be disheartening. However, it’s important to remember that respect is a key component in handling disagreements.
Respect is earned as much as it is given, and I have learned in my pastoral journey that you cannot win everyone over to your thoughts or every decision, but you can be respectful in disagreeing. I have found that truth always wins the day, even when the other side disagrees through mudslinging tactics.
Do not allow yourself to lower your standards to defend yourself, but speak truth to the negative power coming your way. The idea that disagreeing is harmful or that one side has to win is a false narrative. Disagreeing is a healthy attribute that shares everyone’s thoughts, but it should never be used to weaponize sides for or against the overall betterment of the church. The goal should always be what is best for the church now and in the future.
It will take a selfless leader to escape their wants and desires and see God’s vision for the future. Leadership is about finding a way forward beyond the desires of one person’s heart over another. It is desiring to serve God and the local church above all. So, when you find yourself challenged by others, stand firm on the promise that disagreeing with respect is a healthy leadership style.
Commit to the outcome and follow the process.
Once a decision has been made, the most harmful effect is when a small group huddles together and holds another meeting. This second meeting tends to second-guess the original vote and stokes negative feelings from all sides, hindering the progress that was already decided.
The idea behind disagreeing and committing is to commit to the chosen plan, even if you don’t fully agree with the overall decision. Being part of a team means you have a choice when the team decides to move in one direction. Either commit or leave the team. A team member cannot disagree and then keep fighting the already decided decision and stay an active participating team member.
Teams are built on trust and are central to honest discussions with those in the room when the decision is made. A church member in leadership leads by example, buying into the concept of moving with the team or leaving the team when they do not get their way. There is no gray area when committing to moving forward as a team member.
If a member disagrees but is willing to stay on the team, they have to find a way to be part of the solution and not a problem to the agreed plan. The member needs to find a piece of the decision that they can cheerlead and not pass the blame onto others. The side comments, or backhanded ones, hurt the team overall and the reputation of the member who disagrees.
Limit the ‘I told you so’ attitude.
The “I told you so” attitude is childish in many ways, but it is seen when a member disagrees and works against the solution, hoping it will fail. The idea that one side wins over another is a destructive and disruptive thought that hinders the spiritual and relational growth of the local church.
There should not be winners and losers in the church. The focus should always be on what is best for the kingdom. Sometimes, that means your arguments win out, and sometimes they don’t. However, when meeting after meeting is held, there is a tendency to retrace the decision, trying to find loopholes or other ways to sabotage the decision through gossip, one-sided storytelling, or outright lies about the information shared during the meeting. This pattern of behavior is destructive and harmful to the kingdom.
Suppose the leadership team decides, after reviewing all the information, to move in a specific direction, and the outcome is less than desirable. In that case, there should never be a team member who says, “I told you so,” but instead use the disappointment as lessons for the future as to what worked and did not work. The goal should always be to seek God’s will for the local church and follow it out.
The local church needs everyone inside the spiritual camp to work together to advance the gospel outside the church walls. By agreeing to commit, the church leadership can find a healthy way to share ideas, respect outcomes and move forward together as one.