12 Pointers for Small Group Leaders

Be Like Christ—and Be Liked

12 Ways
Getting your small group to like you isn’t something you may have explicitly set out to do. While you may not have written that goal down, it’s on the back of your mind whether you’re a leader or a group member. Don’t lie. You want to be liked. And that’s not a terrible thing. Caring what others think (while not being dominated by it) shapes our responses, and helps us become more loving and generous. If people genuinely don’t like you, and you’re a representation of Christ for them, then there’s a good chance you’re acting as a barrier to them enjoying Jesus. Here are 12 ways to be like Christ—and liked.

1. Listen intently.
Listen way more than you talk. When you think you’ve listened too much, you’ve just started the process.

2. Share your story.
You’ve got a story of loss. Victory. Defeat. One that makes much of God, and his power to change your heart and shape your journey. Share that. It’s a gift.

3. Be authentic.
Nobody likes a fake leader. We all want to know that the person we’re following is the person we think we’re following. Be real and open and honest with your struggles and victories.

4. Be consistent.
Show up and engage. Week after week after week. On the weeks that you feel like going, show up. On the weeks that you don’t feel like going, show up. On the weeks when you’re too busy, show up. Consistency builds trust.

5. Go over and above.
Have coffee with a group member outside of your group’s meeting time. Invite a couple over to your house for dinner. Text them when you know they’re going to have a difficult day. Reach beyond the “normal” and “expected.”

6. Love unexpectedly.
Call on their birthday. Offer to watch their kids so they can go on a date night. Buy them a book that’s made a difference in your life.

7. Give grace when it’s not deserved.
Yes…grace “deserved” isn’t really grace. But there are times when you give grace and it’s expected. But when it’s not deserved in the least, when it hasn’t been earned, when everybody in the room expects you to go 100 percent truth in the moment…go 100 percent grace.

8. Learn their kids’ names.
Do this one today.

9. Remember their birthdays and anniversaries.
Go ahead and plug them into your calendar now, and set yourself a reminder. They’ll notice this!

10. Share a well-timed truth.
Don’t just sit in your big comfy chair and drop theological bombs on your group. Listen well, and share a well-timed, well-pointed, well-applied truth—one that’s informed in the moment, and that walks the nuances of a deep relationship.

11. Give your resources.
You can’t give everything to everybody. But you can give significant, needed resources to your group members in a way that’s much faster and more efficient, than applying for aid from government, or even parachurch, organizations.

12. Be yourself.
If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re contemplative, be contemplative. If you’re patient, be patient. If you’re the life of a party, be the life of the party. If you’re an intellectual, be an intellectual. Be the you God created you to be.
—Ben Reed 

Ben Reed
Ben Reedbenreed.net

Ben Reed is the executive pastor and small groups pastor at Grace Community Church. He blogs at BenReed.net.