As the Respect for Marriage Act is set to pass, some Christians will mourn the further entrenching of secular values. Others will cheer the loosening grip of the Religious Right. To those of us holding tightly to God’s Word and praying that godly marriage would bless our country, can I ask an honest question:
Do we have respect for Christian marriage?
Perhaps some of us are worried that if we don’t do everything we can to defeat the Respect for Marriage Act, then we will be complicit in telling a lie. Some worry that when our government certifies a civil union between two men or two women (for the purposes of legal, financial, property and inheritance rights), we are then responsible for falsely testifying that God is joining two people of the same sex in marriage and fully blessing and sustaining that marriage.
First, let me reassure us that regardless of what a government says marriage is, God only joins and sustains what He certifies as marriage. Even if all 100 senators and 435 representatives had voted to pass the Respect for Marriage Act, God is unmoved to bless a union that is not a marriage in His eyes.
But if we are genuinely concerned about the sanctity of marriage, can I make a suggestion? We are right to believe that Christian marriages are meant to display God’s mysterious love in a particular way. When Christian marriages faithfully lean into God’s design by embodying the complementary, lifelong, life-giving, intimate, hospitable and sacrificial nature of God’s love, faithful Christian marriages make it easier for all of us to believe that God exists and loves us.
We are right to be concerned when marriages fall short of God’s design, falsely testifying about the love of God found in the Trinity and between Christ and the church. But may I encourage us to first focus on shoring up the sanctity of marriage in our own churches? Too many opposite-sex marriages between Bible-believing, evangelical Christians in our churches are failing to reflect the life-giving and lifetime nature of God’s love.
Instead, many marriages in our churches are deciding only to raise children if and when they want to, without discerning how God might be calling them to serve the kingdom with their marriage. They fail to humbly approach God with a willingness to sacrificially rear children, ignoring biblical teaching that Christian marriages should be open to raising kids for the sake of the kingdom. Furthermore, those in Christian marriages are getting divorced at the same rates as non-Christians, ignoring the Bible’s prohibitions against divorce and remarriage in most cases.
Collectively, this profaning of the sanctity of marriage tells a lie about God’s love. These violations suggest that God isn’t really willing to suffer so that His children would have life and that God’s love can’t be trusted. They tell a lie that if God doesn’t feel like loving us anymore or we’ve made too many mistakes, He will move on and find another.
Before we post on Facebook about how so-called same-sex marriages are not marriages in God’s eyes, before we donate to organizations or politicians promising to reverse the Respect for Marriage Act, and before we pour energy and prayers into resisting the LGBTQ+ movement, could I encourage us to first focus on our local churches?
Gather with couples in your church, and study what the Scriptures and the historic church actually have to say about Christian marriage. Recommit to the complementary, lifelong, life-giving, intimate, hospitable and sacrificial nature of Christian marriage. Promise to hold each other accountable to God’s design for Christian marriage. Have compassionate but direct conversations with straight Christians whose marriages are falling short of God’s intentions. Pray for each other’s marriages and offer each other counsel, so that long before divorce feels like the least bad option, you can strengthen each other’s marriages. Commit to doing whatever you can to keep each other from getting divorced. If some feel convicted to raise more children for the sake of the kingdom, either through bearing children or adoption, be the hands and feet that hold up their family. Particularly if they don’t have extended biological family nearby, offer to babysit and provide meals. Offer them company when they go grocery shopping, clean their house or do their laundry.
In short, if we have respect for Christian marriage and want to protect Christian marriage, let’s start with the marriages in our own church families.
Then perhaps, if Christians are more faithfully living out Christian marriage, those who don’t yet know Jesus would be compelled by the love witnessed in our marriages to believe that a God exists and loves them. Perhaps they’d long for relationship with that God and trust that His gifts and wisdom are better than any government certificate.
