15 Bizarre Excuses Real People Made for Missing Church

What do peanut butter, girlfriends and Rambo the dog have in common? They were all used as reasons for not attending church services in a Twitter poll I conducted.

I asked church leaders and churchgoers to share some really good excuses they’ve heard from people who choose not to attend church. Some of the responses were common (hypocrites at church, worshipping on the lake or golf course, pastor preaches too long or short, etc.).

And I received the expected lectures of why we should not see the church as a place to go, or why church is no longer relevant.

But I also got some fascinating responses.

Have you heard these reasons not to attend church? The italicized comments that follow each are my own.

1. “We were out of peanut butter.”

Of course, no one can worship without his or her peanut butter fix.

2. “I was too drunk, so I went soul winning with my dog, Rambo.”

I hope Rambo was sober.

3. “Both of my girlfriends attend church there.”

I think you might have other challenges.

4. “The worship leader pulls up his pants too often. It’s distracting.”

What are we going to do with those worship leaders?

5. “My kids take naps during that time.”

Bring them to church anyway; they can nap during the services with our deacons.

6. “Gas prices are too high.”

Have you been outside lately?

7. “The pastor is too attractive. When I see him preaching, I have impure thoughts, and I am distracted.”

I never heard that complaint when I was a pastor.

8. “My wife cooked bacon for breakfast, and our entire family smelled like bacon.”

Bacon aroma is always welcome at our church.

9. “The pastor stays in the Bible too much.”

I’ve noticed that too. Just who does he think he is?

10. “I couldn’t get the lid off the peanut butter.”

I never thought there would be a peanut butter theme to avoiding church.

11. “We got burned out at church and have been taking a break the past seven years.”

I think you broke the world’s record for length of time to cool down.

12. “The church is too close to drive, and too far to walk.”

If you like, we could move our church to the next state, and you could fly in.

13. “I always get hemorrhoids on Sundays.”

I understand. Sunday is a terrible day for hemorrhoids.

14. “Someone called me ‘brother’ instead of using my name.”

At least he didn’t call you “sister.”

15. “I was constipated.”

Is that a Sunday-only occurrence?

I am sure you have heard some good excuses, as well. Share them in the comments.

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Thom S. Rainer serves as president and CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources. Dr. Rainer can be found on Twitter (@ThomRainer) and at Facebook.com/Thom.S.Rainer. This article was originally published at ChurchAnswers.com on April 26, 2017.