Conflict is a word most of us dislike, and even fewer of us enjoy experiencing. Given the choice, many people would rather avoid confrontation than engage with another person or group. Yet, conflict can occur almost anywhere—in our homes, workplaces, schools, and any environment where we encounter people with differing opinions, behaviors, values, and worldviews.
BIBLICAL CONFLICT AND HUMILITY
The Bible provides numerous examples of interpersonal conflict. Peter and Paul disagreed sharply over whether Gentile Christians should observe Jewish rituals, while Paul and Barnabas parted ways following a dispute regarding John Mark. Even King David faced intense family conflict that led to division and tragedy. Conflict is inevitable, even among believers, but it does not have to be unhealthy.
Scripture also emphasizes the importance of humility. First Peter 5:5 instructs us to clothe ourselves with humility toward one another, for God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Similarly, Paul encouraged the church at Philippi to do nothing out of selfish ambition, but in humility to consider others as more important than themselves. This trait of humility in leadership is an essential quality, especially when navigating seasons of conflict.
When you are committed to act with humility towards another person, the conflict between you can be different—it can be healthy. The world has enough examples of toxic conflict—it does not need you and me adding to it. Because conflict is inevitable, should we not bring humility into the conflict so that it becomes healthy, not harmful? Humility is vitally important if conflict is to be considered healthy.
A SPIRIT OF HUMILITY
When I have a spirit of humility, I don’t view you as the enemy. As I write this, there is conflict between myself and a member of my church. My fleshly response was to win the battle. But I realized that I was not battling the person, but the powers of darkness at work in this man’s troubled spirit. This man is not my enemy, and when I approach the conflict with humility, I can see beyond my anger and frustration and see someone for whom Christ died. I become more redemptive, not combative.
When I have a spirit of humility, I seek first to understand the other person’s viewpoint. Conflict can quickly become unhealthy when I assume that I alone am right. My mind becomes closed to hearing your side of the story. No longer do I care about your point of view because I’ve convinced myself that I’m right and you’re wrong. A primary goal in healthy conflict is to place yourself in the other person’s shoes and be open to the possibility that perhaps, just maybe, you were wrong in your assumptions.
When I have a spirit of humility, I set an example for others. It is true that someone is always watching you. Your children watch you. Your spouse watches you. Friends, coworkers, and your boss watch you. They listen, too. They hear your tales of relational conquests when conflict arises.
Yes, you can wax eloquently about how you beat the other person to the punch, countered their arguments, and saved the day. But that may encourage the ones who watch you to be emboldened to do the same. If you approach conflict with a spirit of humility, you can set a different example—a godly example—for others to follow.
When I have a spirit of humility, I demonstrate my relationship with Jesus. Conflict is an opportunity for me to profess my connection to Christ.
“Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross.” – Philippians 2:5–8
Healthy conflict is evident when I take a position of humility and love toward the other person. Jesus already showed me his humility and willingness to put my needs first. The least I can do is to act like him and perhaps help the other person see Christ in me.
This article originally appeared on LifeWayVoices.com and is reposted here by permission.