One of the surprises in my book, Love Does, was the fact that I put my cell phone number in the back and encouraged readers to call me. I get around 50 calls a day — isn’t that terrific? It’s been the most selfish thing I’ve ever done, because I get to meet these terrific individuals. People are wondering if it’s really true and if I’m really making myself that available. All you have to do is pick up the phone and say, Hello. There’s something really beautiful in that.
We answer people’s questions about love every time we make ourselves more available. Every extravagant act of love in this reverse economy of Jesus is put to use: the more extravagant the act of love, the more powerful the impact. If I just try to be miserly and dole it out a little at a time, I’ll reap little. I’m trying to learn about being radically available. Every time the phone rings, it’s this reminder — be like Jesus, just be available.
There is something beautiful about stopping and really seeing people: seeing their hurt, seeing their joy, seeing the whatever. You don’t have to make a big deal about everything, either — just do stuff. I think for me, I just stopped being polite to people. That’s the least flattering way to warm up to another person. You don’t communicate love to others by being polite; you communicate love by being open and spending time with them.
I’ve made a number of commitments to help create margin and to make myself more available. For instance, every Thursday I just quit something. Doing this creates an opening and more space for Jesus to set terrific things in my life. One thing I quit two-and-a-half years ago was making appointments. It’s crazy, I know, but by quitting appointments I’m actually more available to people. Oftentimes when I made an appointment, I was really trying to defer the meeting to another time and I didn’t want to have it then, either. So, by not having appointments, we end up being friends. The agenda is wide open to spend time and do stuff with people — whether it’s washing cars, breaking bread or just talking on the phone.
When you’re doing stuff together, you’re co-conspirators. Doing something beautiful for somebody else makes all the stuff about “status” go right out the window. When we love someone, we don’t just say it — I love you, I love you, I love you — we find different ways to express our love and put it into action.
The antidote for inauthenticity isn’t to keep faking it harder, but to get real more often. It’s counterintuitive, but the more I’ve made myself available, the more I’ve been able to experience the incredible joy of being authentic and truly living for others. I’m not just speaking from the cheap seats, either; I’ve made real commitments that have cost me dearly as the world sees it, but it’s been completely worth it.
