Contentious people love to argue, disrupt, and be contrary. They pride themselves in being the “devil’s advocate.” They annoy with their words. They love to debate, even if they don’t believe in the stance they take. They get off on stirring the pot.
The quarrelsome individual loves to debate everything, even if he doesn’t care about the topic or believe he is right. I call this person a contrarian because he finds a sick sense of pleasure in arguing with others. He enjoys using his rebuttal skills to twist words and create confusion. His end game is to get adverse reactions from people whom he knows offer no physical threat.
The real question for the quarrelsome person is, Why? What is your motivation? Is your heart pure, or are you leveraging your knowledge over someone else? Is it your desire to relate the truth or to test those who may not possess your debating skills? Do you simply want to argue, or are you truly seeking to understand? Doesn’t [Paul in] the Bible say, “Knowledge puffs up while love builds up” (1 Cor. 8:1)?
The Blessed Peacemaker
What was Paul after? What’s the goal? What positive trait does the dialed in man carry in his twenty-round magazine of masculine qualities?
One word.
Peacekeeper.
During Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount, He listed many things His followers could do to be blessed. In Matthew 5:9 we see one of those: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”
Notice what Jesus didn’t say. He didn’t say peacekeepers but rather peacemakers.
I hold that these words oppose each other. Diametrically. We are blessed when we are unified. God’s desire is unity. In the High Priestly Prayer, Jesus prayed for unity specifically:
The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. (John 17:22–23)
On the last night with His disciples, Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34–35).
You cannot love without unity. It is not possible.
Later, Paul reminded the church at Ephesus, “Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1–3).
In Psalm 133:1 we read, “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”
God is uninterested in peacekeepers or peace lovers. He is looking to bless the peacemakers. Do you want to be blessed? Become a peacemaker. Let’s unpack the three ways people deal with relational tension and conflict when they arise.
Peacefaker (a.k.a. Peacekeeper)
From 2012 to 2017, I was blessed to travel to San Pedro, Belize, over a dozen times, most of those as the Discipleship Training School speaker at the Youth with a Mission (YWAM) base, which sadly closed a few years back. Between the people, food, and opportunities along the 190-mile Belize Barrier Reef, Ambergris Caye has become one of my favorite places on the planet.
Shanna and I loved renting a golf cart and driving on Front Street, Middle Street, and Back Street in San Pedro on its warm Caribbean nights. One of my fondest memories from our golf cart dates is when I accidentally turned the wrong way on a one-way street (there are only three streets in San Pedro), almost hitting a frantic police officer who screamed, “Turn around now before someone gives you a ticket!”
Someone? Uh, aren’t you the police? Aren’t you that someone?
We laughed, put the cart in reverse, and got out of there before “someone” wrote us up!
Mr. Policeman wasn’t willing to accept the responsibility entrusted to him by the local government. In doing so, this man who was hired as a peacemaker became a peacekeeper (a.k.a. peacefaker). For whatever reason—fear, laziness or apathy—our police friend chose to turn his back on his responsibility instead of facing it. In this case, we were thankful for it. But as believers, we must take responsibility for maintaining healthy relationships. Sometimes we take Scripture out of context to avoid doing what is right even if it’s difficult.
Peacebreaker
Unlike the peacefaker who runs from a conflict, the peacebreaker attacks with actions or words. Attacking can take the form of litigation, which is interesting since we are living in the most litigated time in world history. Or peacebreaking can escalate to full-blown assault. We see it every day.
Peacemaker
What I’ve learned through failure, success, and the example of others is that sometimes you must disrupt the peace to make peace. Sometimes you must stir the pot to make the stew.
Conflict is a part of life. Unless you move to a remote place, stay in a cave, and live off the land, you will experience conflict. This is because relationships involve people, people are broken, and broken people create conflict.
The peacefaker is usually focused on me.
The peacebreaker is zeroed in on the other person.
The peacemaker is fixated on Christ and how to glorify Him during the conflict.
We all have a choice to make. May we each choose that which will reflect Christ—and usher in peace—in all circumstances.
Excerpted from Dialed In © 2024 James William Ramos. Used by permission of David C Cook. May not be further reproduced. All rights reserved.
