How to Deal With Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are powerful, silent killers of the soul that afflict many pastors and ministry leaders. In his book Shame Interrupted, Edward Welch defines shame as the deep sense of being unacceptable due to your actions, the actions of others toward you, or your associations. It leaves you feeling exposed, humiliated, or disgraced—as if you were treated as less than human in the eyes of witnesses. To move forward, we must understand how to effectively address these feelings.

3 Ways Leaders Can Deal with Their Shame

1. Realize where shame comes from. 
   • It comes from our own sin.
   • It comes from sins others commit against us.
   • It comes simply by association (i.e., someone in your family commited something scandalous and you feel shame because of it).
   • It comes from our humanness (i.e., when we realize we don’t have what it takes to achieve our goals in life; this is often true for pastors when they realize they may never pastor a big church).
2. Take comfort in God’s perspective on shame.
   • He takes great interest in the shamed, forgotten, and marginalized (1 Cor. 1.26-28).
   • Jesus experienced shame for us and therefore knows it intimately (Is. 53.3).
   • God loves us not because of our worthiness (our perception that we have it all together) but because of His loving nature (Deut. 7.6-8).
3. Make four critical decisions.
   • Turn to his face in repentance. Read the amazing story of Isaiah’s encounter with God in Is. 6.1-7 for the biblical basis of my thoughts below.
     • When we feel shamed, we don’t want to look someone in the face. We want to avoid them. However, Jesus wants us to come into his presence and look Him in the face to deal with our shame caused by our own sin. He wants us to confess and repent. Psalms 34.5 says, Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
   • Receive his touch of forgiveness.
     • Jesus often physically touched the outcast, broken, and shamed. Human touch can often melt away shame. Jesus wants us to experience his touch of forgiveness and cleansing
   • Drink deeply of His Spirit.
     • In John 4 we read the familiar story about the woman at the well. When Jesus asked the Samaritan woman for water, he crossed many shame barriers: rabbis did not talk to women, Jews did not talk to Samaritans, and Jews did not contaminate themselves by eating or drinking with non-Jews. He offered her life-giving water from His Spirit. God’s Holy Spirit can wash away our shame as it did for this woman.
   • Feast at his table of acceptance in the church community.
     • After Peter denied Jesus, he felt great shame. Yet, after Jesus’ resurrection and after Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him, he had a meal with Peter and the other disciples which pictured his being welcomed back into community. Shame can melt away when we experience real community in the church.

While the sting of shame is painful, it does not have to be terminal. Although external circumstances and people may still attempt to induce feelings of inadequacy, Christ can release us from its destructive power and offer a path toward healing.

1 Pet. 2.6 For in Scripture it says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

What has helped people you know deal with their shame?

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This article originally appeared on CharlesStone.com and is reposted here by permission.