Stay on Mission: How Skyline Is Experiencing Growth Through Evangelism and Discipleship

I certainly thought at first, Maybe I’m not supposed to do this anymore, because how do I do this without her? I think it became clear after several weeks of mourning and grieving and praying, that God hadn’t released me from my calling. I think that’s a big deal. When you’re called to something, you can get through anything, because he’s called you to it. When it’s just a job, when it’s just something I do when it’s convenient, then you’re going to quit when it gets hard. 

I remember when God called me into ministry, and I remember when he called me to Skyline. It was very clear. For me to say, “Even though I don’t understand this, I quit,” that wasn’t ever a real option. I certainly thought about it, because I thought, Well, that’s it.

Navigating [the grief], we were still seeing lives changed. And one of the last things my wife and I talked about was, “What do we think God is doing through this? Why would he do this?” And she said something that was so powerful and such a great reminder, because this is the way we lived our lives: We want to reach people for Christ. She said, “It must be meant to reach more people for Christ.” I thought that was so true. At her memorial service, 100-something people got saved. 

Throughout this journey and her testimony being out there, in the memorial being out there, more and more people, letters, emails, direct messages on social media, people coming to Christ wanting to be like Janie. [People saying], “I saw your memorial. I don’t really know who you are, but I want to be a person like her, and I gave my life to the Lord.” 

It’s already had such an impact, and I know that she would say, “If that’s the only way these people were going to get to Christ, then I will die for that.” Even though I would say no, there’s got to be another way, no, no, no. But that was her. She was just like, “We got to get people in the kingdom.” And so, it’s had such a powerful impact. 

That was happening quickly, people were coming to Christ. And I thought, Well, then I need to keep at this as well. For her, but just to be an example of how you can still lead through grief. Even though it has been brutally hard, God’s there. He truly is. It’s not just a pithy statement. He’s there, and he has been here the whole time.

I felt closer to him through this than I ever have, even though it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. He’s right there, guiding, directing, not letting me go, not saying, Yeah, that’s fine, you’ve had enough. He’s like, No, I haven’t released you from my calling. Continue on. You’re going to see the fruit. Do not give up. Your work will be rewarded, as it says in 1 Corinthians 15. 

What is your advice to pastors who are leading thriving ministries, but are simultaneously walking through some of the darkest personal hardships of their lives?

The biggest help for me was being around other widowers. I’m part of a group called Refuge Widowers, and if there’s a guy out there, or a pastor, or a ministry leader, who has lost their spouse, you’ve got to get support. The tendency is to isolate, and I would have done that if I hadn’t got a call from Refuge. Another pastor friend in the area had lost his wife a year-and-a-half before me, and he said, “Jeremy, you need to get with this group. Can I give them your number?” I said yes.

I got a phone call from Daniel Brooker, who’s the leader of it. He had lost his wife a decade earlier, and he started this ministry with Davey Blackburn, who had lost his wife through a murder in Indiana—that was a national story. And they started this group.

I went on a retreat with 20-something other Christian men who were widowers, who just recently lost their wives. And you’re sitting in this room going, “I can’t even believe I’m in this room.” But my goodness, the support, and now the relationships. 

The other thing I would do is get professional Christian counseling sooner. I waited. I thought I could handle it. I thought, I’m good. I’ll tough this out; I’ll figure it out. God’s all I need. But man, you got to get help sooner. And I waited until a couple months ago before I got professional help. I thought, Well, the Refuge group is all I need. They’re wonderful. But professional counseling will give you some tools to really help with the grief. There are wonderful Christian counseling organizations out there.