Orphan Care: The Unexpected Difference You Can Make

Too Smooth for Rough Kids

I am not simply suggesting that church budgets need to change. They do, but that is only part of the solution. Caring for orphaned and vulnerable children is not just about writing a check or sponsoring a child. It starts with the children in our own churches and communities, much like Jesus challenged his disciples to minister, not only to the ends of the earth, but also in Jerusalem (Acts 1:8). It begins with children who have been abused or abandoned, fatherless children, foster children, and adopted children in our nurseries, preschool rooms, children’s ministry and youth groups.

How do you handle the little boy who bites other kids in the nursery? What about the 3-year-old who knows words you don’t even know? How about the little Chinese girl who is deaf? How do you deal with the 7-year-old boy who is in a wheelchair because his birth mother tried to abort him … and failed? What about that fourth grader who was adopted through the foster care system and has profound mental challenges due to an incredibly abusive past? What do you do with the adopted Ethiopian kid who is HIV positive? How do you deal with the special needs toddler who was exposed to drugs in utero? What about that troubled middle schooler who is growing up fatherless?

These are tough questions, and I’m not claiming to have all the answers. But I’m challenging the way we do church, and particularly, the way we approach children’s and youth ministry. I cut my teeth in ministry in the 1990s. It was the watermark for the “church growth movement”—a time when many long-standing traditions were questioned and changed to be more welcoming toward newcomers. We debated the style of music, the style of clothes, church service times, coffee in the foyer, perforated communion wafers, and on and on. Books were written, debates held, and some churches were even considered heretical for making these changes.

However, every church agreed on the critical importance of one thing—the nursery and children’s departments. At every conference I attended on church growth, I was taught that if your nursery and children’s area were not clean, safe and hazard-free, young families would not come back. As a parent of five children, I totally agree.

But I have to ask this question: Have we gone too far? We want it safe, and that’s important. But have we made these areas so sanitary and censored that the “rough” kids aren’t welcomed? Jesus spent the majority of his time with people who were rough around the edges—the sick, the outcasts, the poor, the underachievers, the prostitutes, the tax collectors and the gamblers. He made it very clear that “healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do” (Matt. 9:12 NLT).

If we desire to truly be the hands and feet of Jesus—not just to build big buildings and sing about how good and loving and faithful God is—we cannot dismiss the difficult kids. We must embrace the children and adolescents who try to “buck” the system, break all the rules, and act out to get attention. We need to make our churches a welcome place for people who need special assistance and care because they are deaf, blind, physically disabled, mentally challenged, or HIV positive.

If we fail to welcome and love these children as Jesus would, we miss God’s heart. If we exclude them from our children’s ministry programs because it is “too hard” or “too much of a risk,” we are turning away the “least of these.” How can we sponsor a child in Africa, yet turn away vulnerable children in our own communities?

When we open our arms to love these kids with difficult histories unconditionally, we welcome Jesus. When we go the extra mile by recruiting a sign language interpreter; when we order whatever extra equipment is needed to make sure those who are handicapped can participate; when we see the real person instead of the feeding tube, the wheelchair or the HIV diagnosis, we love others like God loves them. When we are patient with vulnerable children’s emotional and violent outbursts; when we laugh with them, cry with them and listen to them; and when we welcome children, no matter what they look like, dress like, talk like or smell like, we allow God’s love to shine through us.

In addition, two hours on a Sunday morning at your church might be the only “free time” some parents have during the week. I have to admit, some Sundays my motivation for going to church is not only spiritual, but also because we get free childcare for a few hours. As much as I love my kids, I’m not a “superdad.” As parents, Beth and I have the opportunity to receive the blessing of being ministered to through our church. But like many families with special needs children, we have, at times, felt like we are being a burden.

Children’s ministries need to go out of their way to support and encourage parents who have kids with special needs. Workers and ministers should welcome these families with open arms, rather than grumbling about “too much extra hassle.” At one church we attended, there was a policy requiring all parents to volunteer in the children’s department at least once every two months. Fortunately, the staff knew that Beth and I needed a respite on Sunday mornings. We ministered to our children during the week; the church ministered to us on the weekends.

It’s one thing to talk big or even give money to an orphanage overseas. But when it comes down to the nitty-gritty—the “rough” kids in our own smooth-running churches—how will we respond?

Johnny Carr
Johnny Carrorphanjustice.com/johnny-carr/

Johnny Carr is national director of Church Partnerships at Bethany Christian Services, the nation's largest adoption and orphan care agency. He and his wife live with their five children (the youngest three are adopted) in Pittsburgh, Pa.

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