4. Sex is essential to a marriage relationship.
It’s not everything, but when you value and prioritize it, your intimacy impacts your relationship. Yet sex does not just happen. It, too, is something you work at. It’s fun to do the work, though!
5. Practices (like date nights, long conversations and trips together) make your marriage stronger.
Some of these are essential. You need a regular date night if you are married. If you can’t afford dinner, you can walk in a park. You won’t have a strong marriage if you don’t act like you are married.
6. Kids are awesome, but add stress to your marriage.
I’m a pretty obsessive parent. I love my kids. I spend time with them. They are a treasure. But they also make marriage more complicated and stressful. Kids should know that your marriage is your first priority. The most important thing you can pass on to your children might not be what you give them, but the marriage you show them.
7. Never go to bed angry.
Yes, that’s true for everyone according to Ephesians 4:26, but stretching an argument into two days usually leads to stretching it even longer. Then bitterness sets in. However, you can’t really settle most arguments if you are not willing to just say, “Well, we can’t agree, but we can forgive and move on.” (See No. 5.)
8. You need Jesus.
I started dating Donna because of her faith. She had shared her faith with the girls in her neighborhood, came to the Bible study I was leading in high school, and loved the Lord deeply. She still does. When we put Jesus at the center, everything else revolves around him well.
I really love being married. Without a strong marriage, everything else in my life suffers. And I am well aware that such a marriage is not always so easy for many couples.
However, I learned that—in our marriage—I was the cause of many of the challenges and conflicts. Donna was the cure.
Either way, we have learned a lot. We are still learning. But maybe you can be encouraged by our experience.
Ed Stetzer holds the Billy Graham distinguished chair of church, mission and evangelism at Wheaton College and the Wheaton Grad School, where he also oversees the Billy Graham Center for Evangelism.