Caring for People With HIV/AIDS

What small groups considering this ministry need to know

By Peg Rose

Moments after Dave Storm’s motorcycle collided with the pavement, Storm was in serious need of a blood transfusion. Nearly a decade would pass before Storm learned he had been given HIV-tainted blood and had developed AIDS. Because of the stigma of AIDS, the Storms subsequently lost friends, jobs, and even their church.

It wasn’t until Storm’s Christian psychiatrist challenged him by asking why he couldn’t believe God would take care of him that he realized how badly he had let this dilemma shake his faith. Afresh, Storm surrendered to God.

At a Saddleback Church training session for small groups interested in becoming HIV/AIDS CARE Teams, the Storms told their story of rejection, pain, fear, hiding, and finding their way back to God.

Just three years ago, Storm gathered up his courage to approach Saddleback’s missions pastor, Steve Rutenbar. By then, the Storms had found a new home at Saddleback and the grace to forgive their past through the 40 Days of Love campaign, held in 2001. But old wounds still hadn’t healed. “Even though I felt comfortable in Saddleback Church, the memory of the past felt fresh in my mind when I approached Pastor Steve,” Storm said.

When Storm approached Rutenbar, he said: “Hi, I’m Dave Storm, and I have AIDS. I’d like to go to Africa.”

Storm told Rutenbar all the medication he would need to make the trip, including the need to keep it packed in ice – figuring that would kill the deal. “We’ll get it,” Rutenbar responded.

“His ‘yes’ to Kenya and ice for medication made me feel comfortable,” Storm said.

God used Rutenbar’s response to continue the process of healing the Storms’ wounded hearts. Today, he’s using their pain to deliver badly needed hope as they help small groups understand how to help those with HIV/AIDS.

What you can do

It’s likely that somewhere in your community, neighborhood or even church, there’s a Dave and Kim Storm.

If ministering to HIV/AIDS survivors is on your heart, maybe you’ve already wrapped your arms around the concepts. But what can your small group members do to wrap their arms around those living with HIV/AIDS in your community? In seven small group workshops, members of Saddleback Church’s HIV/AIDS professional team are answering that question.

In CARE Team training session 1, attendees like Carolyn and Dave McLendon and Pati Cortese deepened the commitment their small group had already made. “God pricked our hearts way back when we first heard Kay [Warren] speak about HIV/AIDS,” Carolyn McLendon said.

During the first session, the attendees heard from Warren and Saddleback CARE Team representatives Doug Campbell, Elizabeth Styffe, and Kathleen Doyle. Doyle, who is Saddleback’s minister of pastoral care and the first of a brigade of care trainers, addressed four areas critical to the health of any helps ministry:

Intentional ministry: What are we doing and why are we doing it?

• What’s the purpose of this ministry? What has God called me to? Make sure you understand upfront what the ministry is about, and determine if the role you’re asked to fill works with your unique makeup. Take all aspects of your life into consideration.
• What do we have to offer and how can we effectively fulfill this purpose? Give what you have, but don’t give out of impulse. Jesus has promised to multiply what we give him. “You are not an endless supply of anything!” Doyle said.
• What needs or whose needs can I meet with my makeup and resources? “You have permission not to be the Messiah,” said Doyle, to a collective sigh of relief. “Do what you can and trust God for the rest.”
• How do I know when I have fulfilled this ministry? Allow God to define the purpose and work with him to set the parameters.

Dynamic ministry: The real deal on working with people

• Who is this person I am ministering to? Most people are not difficult to help, but if the person you’re ministering to is challenging, you need to know the illness does not change someone’s personality. If a person was difficult to deal with before becoming ill, that individual will likely continue to present challenges. Be ready to deal with people of all types.
• How does their illness affect this ministry? Assess the needs, both the physical and the psychological. A person with such a devastating illness is often tempted to give up. Find out what your friend is capable of, and avoid the temptation to take over. Keep in mind that everyone, especially those afflicted with a disease such as AIDS, needs a purpose to go on living. That includes doing as much as possible for themselves.
• How does this person respond to us? A person who resists help is likely struggling to accept his or her situation. Be specific about what you can offer, as some may seek to exploit your sincere desire to help.

Working with extremes: Helping people when it’s hard

• How do I work with someone who asks for more than I can or should offer? Learn to recognize the difference between needs, wants and desires. Emotions can fool you. Resist the pressure to give an immediate response. Avoid being put in the middle of family situations. Clearly verbalize expectations, including your time constraints. And make sure to utilize the help of others; never go alone.

Remaining balanced: Fulfilling your ministry purpose for the long haul

• How do I know when I am out of balance in ministry? Signs include neglecting your other responsibilities, growing feelings of resentment, being “nice” in ministry and “grumpy” everywhere else, and extreme behaviors. Take advantage of accountability partners in your small group.
• What might cause me to become out-of-balance in ministry? Beware of unrealistic expectations regarding your abilities and responsibilities. Remember that God is infinite – and you are not.
• When is “out-of-balance” harmful to others? Being over-involved or tempted to abandon other ministry puts others in harm’s way. Utilize the help of other small group members when you feel overwhelmed. “Out-of-balance” usually happens when we’ve failed to plan.
• How do I stay in balance? Define your commitment by writing it down and frequently re-evaluating it. Encourage support networks, be ready and willing to empower others, and make frequent use of direct communication. Stay in touch with the person you are helping and with the others in your small group by phone, e-mail, personal visits or other intentional means whenever possible.

As the first C.A.R.E. team training session ended, Cortese and the McLendons beamed. Cortese said they were glad they’d invested the Sunday afternoon and felt it helped to further prepare their hearts. Dave McLendon felt they had been prepared practically and now were ready for God to direct their steps. “We went through the initial training, picked our place, did our steps,” Caroline McLendon said.

Now they are waiting for an opportunity to minister.

When asked the number one characteristic needed for this ministry, Cortese and the McLendons said in unison: patience. It’s an important quality for Dave and Kim Storm too. After forgiveness, patience is the word the Storms have most wrestled with in delivering their message that people with HIV/AIDS are still people, made in the image of God and deserving of his love.

This article originally appeared on Purpose Driven’s HIV/AIDS Caring Community Web site, www.purposedriven.com/HIV.

-Outreach magazine, "Web Exclusives," July/August 2006

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