How to Talk About Sex

About a year or so ago my wife started to tell me that I needed to have “the talk” with our oldest son. Not just a talk, but the talk—about the birds and the bees, where babies come from, or as I call it, boom-shakalaka.

Needless to say, I wasn’t in a hurry to have this conversation with my son. So much so, I put it off for eight months. #parenting.

But even though this was a conversation I kept avoiding because it’s kind of awkward, it was a conversation I so badly wanted to have with my son. Why? Because when it comes to the topic of sex, so many of us get it wrong.

And the world? With sex, the world doesn’t make things any clearer.

The #MeToo movement is happening and we’re all appalled, and rightfully so. I can’t imagine if any of these recent accounts involved my daughter. But then Hugh Hefner dies and Time magazine gives him a commemorative issue. Am I missing something?

Yes, the topic of sex might be awkward, but it’s so important for us to think about. Because whether we’re 10 years old or 60 years old, so often this area of our lives is completely out of order.

So, what does God have to say when it comes to sex? Here are 3 truths:

1. What God says is good is really good.

When it comes to sex, what God says is good is really good. And all God’s people said, Amen!

But just to be clear, what does God say is good? In Proverbs, we’re told to “share your love only with your husband/wife and to rejoice in your spouse” (Prov. 5:15–19). And getting even more specific, we’re told to let your husband/wife be a fountain of blessing for you.

Serving each other.
Going through the good and bad of life together.
Laughing together.
Crying together.
Rejoicing in each other.

Getting a little crazy, God says “your wife is like a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always” (v. 19). I’m not even sure what that means, but it sounds awesome.

Once more, what God says is good is really good. And God is the one who created sex, right? So he might know how to use it best.

2. What the world says is good is not good.

With sex, what the world says is good is not good. It’s actually really bad. To be clear, the world’s view on sex is completely, 100 percent different than God’s view.

The world says that pornagraphy is okay.
It tells us to have sex before marriage.
Make sure to move in together.
Listen to what feels good.
You’re only young once.
It’s okay to have an affair, especially if you’re not happy in your marriage.
Sex is purely physical and it’s not a big deal.

But even though the world’s view on sex is so different than God’s view, it often looks good. It’s enticing. It seems right. But in the end God says it leads to death (Prov. 5:5).

God warns us that this gift of sex is created to be life-giving and wonderful, but if it’s not used properly it can cause so much hurt and pain and regret, because what the world says is good about sex is actually really bad.

3. Stay away from temptation.

God keeps it simple and he tells us to stay away! Stay away from lies and temptation. When it comes to sex, stay completely away from anything outside of his plan (Prov. 5:7–8).

This is heavy, right? But God says to stay away. As humans we do just the opposite. So often, we try to get as close to the line as we possibly can.

Whether we’re single or dating, it’s like: Is this OK? How about this?
And we plan on getting married, so is this all right?
And if we are married, can I still look at this? And is it okay to still talk with him or her?
And I’m just flirting, it’s not a big deal.
I’m just going to drive by their house.
I’m just going to see if they’re online.
I’m just going to send a text.

We try to get as close to the line as we can, and we push the limits as far as they’ll go, when what does God tell us? To stay away!

Staying away means something different for each of us based on our circumstances, but I promise you—whether you’re single, dating or married, five years from now or 10 years from now—you’ll never regret listening to God and staying away from temptation.

Here’s one last thing I want to leave us with …

These truths about sex are not coming from a killjoy or from a God who wants us to be miserable.

Instead these truths are coming from a loving God; from the one who created sex for us to enjoy—a God who only wants what’s best for his sons and daughters.

This reminds me of my wife and I sitting down with our oldest son to talk about the wonderful gift of sex. Sex isn’t evil! Nothing could actually be further from the truth. We just wanted our son to understand what sex is all about.

Why? Because what God says is good is so incredibly good.

Adam Weber is the founder and lead pastor of Embrace—a church that has six campuses in South Dakota and Minnesota—and the author of Talking With God: What to Say When You Don’t Know How to Pray (WaterBrook, 2017). This article was originally published on AdamWeber.com.